The Battle of California

Hello chumps and chimps. Well there's a big game tonight, the battle for California. It pairs the San Francisco 49ers against the San Diego Chargers. I might have embellished a bit. By big game I mean, regular game and by battle for California I mean, thumb wrestle for a state nobody wants. 

These two teams have so much potential but potential is only relative to how it's used. For example, an angry man with a knife, high on meth and making stabbing motions while running zig zag patterns in the street is potentially, dangerous. However, an angry man, high on meth making stabbing motions while running zig zag patterns on the moon, isn't. Anyway...

Chargers 24 49ers 17

Happy Thanksgiving

Happy Thanksgiving ya bums. Let's get this outta the way. I got the Patriots over the Lions 34- 14. For the second game, I'm taking Saints over Cowgirls, 28-20. Lastly, Jets over the Bengals, 21-17.

On this Thanksgiving, remember...No coupling has ever gone together better than football and turkey. Just make sure the family shuts the F--- up while the games are on. Put Grandma in the basement and let her mumble to herself or have in depth conversations about life with her ghost cat named Marvin. Make the kids do laps in the yard to tire them out so they won't ask questions like, "What do clouds eat?" If they refuse to do laps in the yard, tell them that Santa will die if they don't. Remind Grandpa that he isn't a pilgrim and he didn't fight in a war called the Pilgrim-Indian battle royale. Above all eat till you s--- blood and have a Happy Thanksgiving.

Dedicated to John Madden; founder of the 8 legged turkey.

Ghost of Lombardi's "Bet The House"

Hello football junkies and bettors anonymous 12 steppers. Welcome once again to Ghost of Lombardi's "Bet The House". Hope you made a fortune off last weeks picks, I know I did. We're in that weird part of the season where making picks is most difficult. Nobody has emerged as a clear favorite and teams that are not getting much attention from the media, will likely be playoff surprises. So be cautious and remember Al Pacino this week..."On Any Given Sunday...". Ok let's get started.

Disclaimer: Ghost of Lombardi is not responsible for any or all loss of possessions. Remember, bet wisely and friends never let friends bet drunk. A bird in the hand is worth two in the prostitute. A penny saved is just a f'in penny, so throw it in the garbage because they are worthless. Never look a gift horse in the mouth, he probably has AIDS. He who has the gold makes the rules, so find that greedy little bastard and tear his face off with a well built metal glove. It is better to have loved before and lost then to never have loved at all, bullshit. Every cloud has a silver lining; but only if you have diabetes and blurry vision. There's a pot of gold at the end of every rainbow and a gay leprechaun ready to blow you. Revenge is a dish best served cold, unless of course you serve revenge with a nice warm pecan gravy. Every time a bell rings, an angel gets molested. Idle hands are the devil's prayer book. In all my days, I've never seen a book made of hands. He who laughs last, didn't get the joke and is just laughing so everybody doesn't call him stupid again. Knowledge is power, power corrupts, corruption is clarity and clarity ultimately leads to more confusion, so stay stupid and happy. And if you want to be happy for the rest of your life, never make a pretty woman your wife, pay her and be on your merry way. Sew before you rape. Always be a good listener, unless you're at a national socialist rally. Never dance with the devil unless you are a contestant on Dancing with the stars. Honesty is the worst policy. Never put off till tomorrow what you can steal today. And lastly, speak softly and always put your dick away. 

Detroit v. Buffalo: The Bills are, by record, the worst team in the league which makes them the most dangerous. We won't see Detroit in the playoffs this year but the Bills have nothing to lose. I'm itching to pick the Bills because they're due, but I won't. This game could turn out to be ironic. The Lions are the only team ever to go 0-16 and the same thing could happen to Buffalo. If I were Detroit, I'd be looking to make sure the Bills lose. I believe this game means more to Detroit then you think. Don't forget, allot of the guys from that 0-16 squad are still there. Detroit 21 Buffalo 16

Minnesota at Chicago: Anybody see the Farve interview where he says that he is not coming back next year? I believe him this time. Hey Brett nobody would fault you if you just laid down man. But he won't. I want to take the Vikings this week but I think the Farve magic is becoming more and more inconsistent. I'm taking Da Bears. Chitown 27 Vikings 24

Jets v. Browns: Here's another weird game. Browns QB Colt McCoy has been a breath of fresh air for Cleveland fans and has strung together two wins against the Saints and Patriots. Browns head coach Eric Mangini has to be looking to take down his former team and his defensive coordinator is Rex Ryan's twin brother. Crazy stuff. This game sounds like something out of a bad sports movie. I'm not sure about that Jet offense. They barely get on the board now and if there's a hint of cold or a raindrop, quarterback Sanchez will fold like a house of cards. But here's the difference maker in this game. That Jet defense will haunt Colt McCoy all day. This is the first time he'll see such explosive speed and shutdown coverage. Gotta take the Jets. Jets 31 Browns 21

Bengals at Colts: Bye bye Bengals. Colts 35 Bengals 17

Houston V. Jacksonville: I just don't like the Jags. They are everything I hate about football. Piss warm weather, no talent, ugly uniforms, a suck coach, running qbs, total ick. Houston 28 Jags 9

Titans at Miami: The Titans will debut league hot potato Randy Moss. Miami is the little train that sucks. I never know where I stand when I pick a game that the Dolphins are a part of. They're just too gimmicky still. I hate that wild cat shit they do and all that other stuff that screams,"We don't know how to win straight up so we'll turn the game into 3-card Monte". F U Dolphins. F U Tony Sparano. Oh yeah I forgot, everyones favorite whipping boy is back, yep you guessed it, Chad Pennington. This should be good. I remember when Pennington first came into the league. Everyone was like, "This guy is so smart and he's a finesse passer". What's a smart football player? One who doesn't close his dick in his zipper. Oh and Finesse is just code for...weak arm. Titans 23 Dolphins 21

Carolina at Tampa: Oh jeez this one baaa-lows! Tampa 17 Panthers 6

KC at Denver: I'm still a big believer when it comes to Kansas City. I like these players. They have heart and are doing allot with a little. As far as Denver goes, I can't stand Orton. I hate his stupid baby head squished into a helmet. Even his name is stupid. WTF is an Orton? It sounds like an old pickle or that mucus that builds up in the back of your throat when you have the flu. He's one of those guys that looks like his name too. "Hey look at that guy with the plaid pants playing checkers! What an Orton!". KC 30 Denver 22

Seattle at Arizona: Seattle is terrible. Arizona isn't much better but I'm taking them because they are at home. Arizona 24 Seattle7

Cowgirls at The New York Football Giants: Scary game. NY is banged up on the O-line. Steve Smith is out with a pulled tit muscle. The Cowboys will look to pummel Manning and ruin the Giants season like NY did to Romo and the Boys'. Former head idiot Wade Phillips is finally gone like he should be and Jason Garrett takes over for at least the rest of the year. Dangerous game here fellas. If the Giants lose this one, the result could be: Dallas gets new life and makes a run at the playoffs. I hope not. I'm still taking the Gmen though. NYG 34 Cowboys 27

Rams at 49ers: Rams 21 49ers 10

Sunday Night, New England at Pittsburgh: Nice game. Really tough to pick too. I don't know, your guess is as good as mine. But I do like Pittsburgh at home, in the prime time. I'll take the Steelers 38 Patriots 31

Monday Night, Philly at Washington: An NFC East war. This is always a good game especially since McRibb is now a Redskin. I have to pick the Eagles but I hope they lose. Eagles 24 Redskins 14

That's all chumps. Please tell your friends about me.

 

Ghost of Lombardi's "Bet The House" I'm Back Baby!

Hello again ambulance chasers, grave robbers and your own mother salesmen. You must have been wondering, "Where is Lombardi? I can't make my picks without him because I'm a big sissy boy and can't think for myself". Well I'm back and better then ever. No I wasn't dead again. The most popular ghost in Limbo is here and is going to get you your fortunes back. So without further adieu here's Ghost of Lombardi's Bet! The! House!

Disclaimer: Ghost of Lombardi is not responsible for any and or all loss of possessions. Yes I know that this segment is called, "Bet The House" but maybe you shouldn't take it so literally. I mean, you don't come to a stop sign and just stay there forever do you? Oh my God you do! What an idiot. Ok I forgot that I was dealing with man children. Listen, I'll admit that my picks are gold but betting your dwelling on a sporting event is plain crazy. Maybe you should consider other activities in life. How about a nice walk in the park with your dog? No? What about a game of cards with some of your best pals? No. Oh right I forgot that you degenerates would bet on that too. Is nothing sacred? Do you have to run through your day betting on everything? Hey there's an old lady crossing the street! Let's bet on whether or not she gets hit by a car! You're all just sick. Well you are what you are I guess. Obamas going to India, you guys hear about that? 200 million a day for security? Wow! I'm giving 2-1 odds on whether he gets hit in the head by falling coconuts or attacked by vicious sharped clawed pack monkeys. Not my idea of a vacation but anything is better then sticking around the ole' USA after your party just took a shellacking in the elections. Great! Now the republicants have power again. Back to the times of the rich getting richer! But that's what America is all about right? Our economy is only healthy if country club memberships are up and newborn babies are in the streets mouth fighting with pack wolves for the last lickins' on a half eatin' can o' beans.  Can o' beans? Do people even eat that anymore? I mean I see it on the shelves in the supermarket but are people eating it anymore? They must be or why would they make it anymore? The same goes for spam; the canned ham or whatever it is. I don't think I know anyone who eats any of that shit. I'd like to meet these people who are eating can o' beans and spam. It makes me wonder though. Have I ever turned down a dinner engagement where the menu was can o' beans and spam and I didn't know? Thank god. Couldn't image myself trying to make polite conversation while eating that stuff. Have you ever done that? You get invited to someones house for dinner and the food is awful and you just sit there crying inside while eating something that you have no idea what it could be? How embarrassing. I'm like, "Umm this is good, I can't wait until I shit glass shards and bloody diarrhea". Now that's good eats. Holy shit, I was just thinking about something that happened to me. True story. I'm a little kid right. And I'm playing basketball in my friend's yard and his very very old grandma opens the screen door and asks me if I would like to join them for dinner. I'm like OK, I mean my mom probably didn't make anything anyway. Why throw a meatloaf in the oven for your kids when you can sit there and polish off a bottle of vodka right? Anyway. So me and my friend go in his house and sit down. Now at this point his grandma finished eating and started to serve us food. My pal starts eating and I look down and notice that I don't have the proper utensils. So I'm like, "Can I have a fork and knife please?" By the way, I still have no idea what this plate of mush was but I knew if I passed this meal up, I might not eat again until school starts and it's July. So anyway, grandma is like, "Oh dear let me get you a fork". She slowly walks over to her half eatin plate of food, picks up her fork, licks it clean with her 100 year old saucy phlegm mouth and hands it to me. I swear to God this happened. Also, I used her fork. Till this day I throw up in my mouth when I think of the story. On to football.

Tampa Bay at Atlanta. This is a difficult game. First place in the NFC North is on the line and both of these teams can go either way. The Bucs are the surprise team of the year. I think they're 5-2 or something like that. I'm not sure if they are as good as their record. Guess we'll have to see as the season goes on. Stat wise, Atlanta is more productive and if you compare the two on paper, Atlanta wins. Plus Atlanta is at home, whatever that means. I'm taking the Falcs. Nobody calls them the Falcs but remember you heard it here first. Atlanta 24 Bucs 21

Miami in Baltimore. Believe it or not, these teams match up well. On paper they are almost identical other than records. Miami is 4-3 and Baltimore is 5-2. However I'm not sold on Miami, I think they're too gimmicky. Take the Ravens. Baltimore 38 Miami 20

Chicago at Buffalo. The Bills have made an improvement this week, which says allot about Buffalo. "Small victories". They have acquired former Chargers linebacker Shawn Merriman off waivers. He's a good addition but his production has nosedived in the last 3 years. Chicago is still hot and cold but they should have more then enough for the Bills. Chicago 17 Bills 10

Saints at Panthers. Hahaha. That says it all. The Saints aren't last years powerhouse that puts up 45 a game but this week will be a throwback to last year. Who dat' gon beat dem Saints? I hate hate hate that expression. Sooooo F'in stupid. How can one glorify such poor English? Awful. Take the Saints and their third grade level English in this one. N.O. 35 Carolina 14

New England in Cleveland. Hahaha Part duix. New England hasn't missed a beat without Randy Moss. Bill Belichick can turn a garbage can filled with Cleveland jerseys into a football player. And Cleveland; Are they even trying to be a football team anymore? No matter who is running that front office, it's the same every year. Do you think they're sitting there in July and are like, "What can we do this year to suck badly?" But that city loves them anyway. Remember when the Browns left and the city sued to keep the name? Who fights to keep a losing tradition? The judge must of been like, "Are you sure you want to keep this team." That's like someone dubbing you an asshole and then you take them to court to make sure the world keeps calling you asshole. Patriots 31 Cleveland 3

Jets v Lions. Detroit isn't the league's punchline anymore. In a truly weird season, the Lions have emerged as a formidable opponent and the Jets offensive struggles are becoming laughable. Even when the Sanchise plays well, WR's are dropping balls. And Rex Ryan is so desperate that he's trying to make the punter run for 70 yards a game. I don't know about this game, it could really go either way. I think I'm going to regret it but... Jets 14 Lions 10

San Diego at Houston. San Diego is leading the league in total offense and defense. They are also leading the league in passing and defense against the pass. So why the losing record? Well I'll tell you, they just can't finish. Credit to Rivers, he's going to be something special when they get the players he needs. Rivers has been running a passing attack with two tight end sets and an up and down running game. Fact of the matter is, Houston is on the rise and San Diego is magically un-delicious. Texans 28 Chargers 17

Arizona at Minnesota. The yuk game. Let me reiterate, "Brad Childress is a complete retard". It's like Sloth from the Goonies finally broke out of his chains and they made him head coach of the Vikings. Why would you trade for Moss and then dump him after three weeks just to lose a third rounder? He should've kept Moss and blamed the whole thing on him at the end of the year. Instead, he'll surely be fired for this one. Secondly, It's a miracle that Brett Farve is even alive at this point. He broke bones in his foot two weeks ago, then he took a vicious hit to the chin last week, media scandals, the loss of three week Moss. What a mess. He's got to be saying, "Why oh why did I come back for this when I could be in Missouri, driving my four wheelers and eating squirrel." Poor Brett. Lucky for him that Arizona is a wreck. The Cardinals management has really ruined this team and must have Larry Fitzgerald begging to be traded. Derek Anderson at QB? Really? What idiot seen Anderson in Cleveland and said, "You know this guy would be great if he wasn't a Brown". I can't believe some of these decision makers have jobs. Minnesota 26 Arizona 12

NYG at Seattle. "Whaaa whaaa its loud in Seattle" is what I've been hearing all week. Just shut up already. If the Giants lose because of that shitty crowd then they don't belong in a Super Bowl run. I agree that the noise presents a problem but good teams have to get past that. Seattle will start a guy who has never completed an NFL pass. Before that, Hasslebeck was sacked 13 times in the last two games. This new kid, is dead. I predict 10 sacks for the Giants in a blowout. NY 41 Seattle 10

Kansas City at Oakland. The Chiefs are one of my favorites this year. I've been picking KC all year and I'm not going to stop now. Credit to Oakland for being tough this year though. And that running back they got is putting up some impressive numbers. Anyway, Chiefs 24 Oakland 21

Indy at Philly. I'm not betting against the Colts for the rest of the year. I had Houston beating them last week and got killed. If you read the injury report before the game you would have seen that everyone on the colts that mattered was injured with the exception of the great Peyton Manning. Eagles WR DeSean Jackson is back this week but I think he still has moths flying around in his head after that hit he took last month. Colts 28 Eagles 20

Sunday Night: Dallas at Green Bay. Can you believe the state of affairs in Dallas? Me neither. They are truly in a cliff dive. They weren't good with Tony Romo and they ain't getting any better with John Kitna. Is it John or Jon Kitna. I'm not sure but I hate when people spell it Jon. Stupid, why do people do that? To feel special? What about Thom instead of Tom, F'i annoying. The letter "H" has been disrespected for too long. If "H" isn't important then let's just get rid of it. Now that we're talking about it, I vote to drop the letter "X" completely and merge the letters "y" and "i" into one super letter that makes a sound that can only be heard by kittens. And the sound can only be made by split tongued humans. Then we'll all have to go to the hospital for special surgery to get split tongues to accommodate this new super letter. Awesome. Let's really take evolution into our own hands and laugh in the face of God. Just kidding God, you know I love you dude, high five! Green Bay 27 Dallas 13

Monday Night: Pittsburghhhh at Cincinatti. The Steelers, come on man. I hate the Bengals and my mantra, "Never pick orange teams" is becoming law instead of gamble. F the Bengals where they breathe. I'm so tired of turning on the TV only to hear that they haven't been disbanded. I'm for completely getting rid of all the letters that make up "bengals" just so we don't have to speak their name ever again. Steelers 19 Bengals 6

That's all for now bitches! Good night and good luck.

Ghost of Lombardi's "Bet The House" Week 6

Hello Gentlemen, Dames, Junkies and Gentlemen Dames. I haven't posted much this week, it's been a busy one. I went out drinking the other night with Bear Bryant and Art Carney. Those fellas can still party. We were two-fisting Brandy Alexanders, Rusty Nails and Slim Mickys like it was the 1920's at the ole' speakeasy. Anyway, It's time for another installment of Ghost of Lombardi's BET! THE! HOUSE! If you're new, here's how it works. I give you predictions, insight and graceful genus found no where else. Then you take what you've learned here, call your bookie and BET! THE! HOUSE!

Disclaimer: Ghost of Lombardi is not responsible for any or all loss of possessions. If you can't act like a big boy or bet like a man, that's your own fault. If you lose, don't come complaining to me that, "Papa never loved me, all I wanted was a hug and he was too busy with his trollops and Pabst Blue Ribbons to take a look at some wooden ship model that I put into a bottle. Then he called me a pussy and told me to get a job but I was only 12. Who would hire a 12 year old for anything? What could have I done at 12 that would have been profitable? A newspaper route I suppose but I didn't even have a bicycle because Papa spent all the Christmas money at the track. Nice Christmas huh? You know what he gave me? Two packs of Lucky Strikes, a bottle of club man cologne and a can of Schaefer. He's like here, Merry Christmas pussy, you're a man now. And I'm like but I asked Santa for a bicycle and an Erector Set! He's like, there is no Santa boy, he died from a VD he got getting a "happy trumpet" from a dirty strumpet."  

Miami at Green Bay. These teams are hard to predict, they're both very unstable. Miami has been dubbed, "an up and comer" for years now but the last time we seen them play, they were slammed by New England 41-14. Green Bay just hasn't been the same since running back Ryan Grant went down for the year. And last week's heartbreaking loss to Washington came down to a field goal that hit the post; dead on. However, I do like the Packers in their own building. The crowds' always electric and there's something magical about being at home in Lambeau. Packers 24 Miami 10

Baltimore in New England. Maybe it's just me but I think this could be the AFC game of the week. This is the Patriots first game without WR Randy Moss but they have reacquired Deion Branch from the Seahawks. I don't know about that one. If anybody can get something out of an old player it's Belichick but I think Branch has seen his best days. The Ravens are 4-1 and their defense has been outstanding. I'm going to say this will come down to whoever's defense falters first. And I think It'll be New England's. Ravens 35 Patriots 28

Kansas City at Houston. Are the Chiefs really this good? I don't think they'll get any credit until they're in the playoffs. Houston has to be out for blood this week though. My questions about Houston are: "Will Andre Johnson be healthy? What about Arian Foster?" The Texans keep saying they're ready to go but I think it's all talk. Plus, once a team picks apart another team's offensive scheme like the Giants did last week, all bets are off. I can't believe I'm saying this but I'm going with the Chiefs. Kansas City 21 Houston 17

Atlanta in Philly. The bird match. The Falcons are playing really well (4-1). I would have liked to see Michael Vick play against his former team but it looks like sh-thead Kevin Kolb gets the start. They say Vick will be ready to go but we just don't know what that means. Vick is battling a rib injury. Rib injuries seem to be a Philly favorite. Remember when McNabb got hurt and they started calling him Donovan McRibb? Classic. Anyway, I'll assume Vick is out and Kolb is his usual suck self. Atlanta 27 Eagles 20

New Orleans comes to Tampa. This years Saints have been a shell of themselves but that's what happens to Super Bowl squads isn't it? The Bucs are 3-1 but their wins are over Cleveland, Carolina and Cincinnati. Their only loss was a spanking from Pittsburgh. So to put it politely, the Bucs are better then worst. The Saints should be able to squeak out a win. N.O. 24 T.B. 21

Seattle at Chicago. This will be a special teams game. Jay Cutler expects to get the start for the 4-1 Bears. He better, I can't watch clipboard captain Todd Collins anymore. The Bears are a weird team. Sometimes they win through the air and other times, the offense disappears and the game is won on special teams. Unless Seattle's Leon Washington can return 2 kicks again, I don't see them winning this one. Bears 29 Seahawks 17

Lions at Giants. This should be highlight day for the Giants. If they win, people will say, "Well it's the Lions, you should win that one" but if they lose, all hell will break loose. Lions safety and former Giant's bust C.C. Brown ripped Manning for being unstable earlier this week. And said the NY media controls the G-Men and were responsible for him getting yanked during last year miserable defensive outing. C.C. is a man in denial. He was awful last year and probably peaked when he was a Houston Texan. Look for Manning to show up big and pick apart this Lion secondary like they were soaking wet cardboard cutouts. Also notable, usually when a player comes out trash talking before a game, his team loses and he gets embarrassed. Giants 35 Lions 10

Cleveland at Pittsburgh. "Never pick orange teams"-Ghost. Pittsburgh 38 Cleveland 14

San Diego in St. Louis. The battle of the 2-3's. The Chargers are better then their record reflects. I'm amazed that quarterback Phillip Rivers can make that offense dangerous out of two-tight end sets. I guess the Rams could win this one but I'm going Chargers. As always, the Chargers will find themselves in a close game. I feel like I've seen Rivers run the two-minute offense more than any QB. San Diego 24 Rams 22

Jets in Denver. NY's Darelle Revis will not play. Seems that hamstring is still giving him problems. But man oh man, what about Antonio Cromartie? This is the best that he's ever played. Rex Ryan must be on his knees praying cause without a shutdown corner, he can't blitz every down. This Jet defense is very impressive. They're fast, they get to the ball and play outstandingly in man coverage. Nothing good to say about Denver. They're just filling the schedule so it's all even around the league. Jets 34 Broncos 24

Oakland at San Fran. Yawn, yawn, yawn. Look for a game filled with mistakes, penalties, fumbles and INTs. These teams are sh-tty at best. I feel like the Niners will win but their QB Alex Smith is garbage. He'll play well up until the fourth quarter and then he'll crack. It'll be anyone's game. I don't know what to say about Smith. It's like he's the complete opposite of a winning QB. He starts hot and ends cold. If the Niners lose, look for head coach Mike Singletary to be on the hot seat. Wouldn't be surprised if he was fired before they clear out candlestick. I'm taking San Fran on a gut feeling alone. 49ers 14 Oakland 13

Dallas at Minnesota a.k.a Debbie does herself cause Dallas can't get up. There are a few parallels in this game. Both are 1-3. Both desperately need a win. And both have complete idiots for head coaches. This could come down to coaching or lack thereof. If I told you back in January that these teams would start off the season at 1-3, you would've said, "Ghost what are you drinking? Meth juice?" I can't believe it. It's not for lack of talent. I mean Dallas is stock piled and deep on both sides of the ball. Minnesota has experienced some key injuries and Brett Farve hasn't been himself. Also, Childress has to learn from coaches who have dealt with Farve. "Don't let Farve run the team." Let's face it, that's why he was pushed out of Green Bay early.  If it were completely left up to Brett, his stats at the end of a game would be 49-76 attempts, 642 yards passing 3 TDs, 7 INTs, Loss in the column. Hopefully Brett and Randy worked out that fly route and they can put Dallas in an early grave. I'm taking the Vikings at home. Minnesota 42 Dallas 30.

Sunday Night: Indy at Washington. The Colts don't look like themselves and it appears that McNabb and Washington have made a deal with the devil. But I like Manning in prime time. That's why I'm taking the Colts. Indy 28 Washington 17

Monday Night: Tennenensnensnenenesnsnsnesee at Jacksonville. I don't like this game at all. Ick! Who picks the schedule? I would've never put this game on in a prime time spot. The Titans are better then the Jaggie-wars, so that's my pick. Enough said, no reason to talk about this one. Tennenenensnensnensee 27 Jags 14

That's my picks. Good day.

Ghost of Lombardi's Sh-t List

It's week 6 of the 2010 NFL season. I want to take this opportunity to reflect upon some thoughts that are swirling around in my head like wind in the old Giant's Stadium. Some teams are faring much better then we thought i.e. The Chiefs and others are on the brink of a top 5 pick in the 2011 draft. Let's pick apart this year so far. Welcome to Ghost of Lombardi's Sh-t List.

First on the list is the 49ers, mainly quarterback Alex Smith. I am so f-cking tired of this guy. Every year we hear the same sh-t! "This is the year for the 49ers, it's their year" Shove that line where it belongs. Smith, a first over-all pick in the 2005 draft is slowly becoming another early round bust. Here's another line from that team, that if I hear one more time; I'm going to walk to San Francisco and punch Singletary in the face..."Alex Smith is the future of this franchise".

When!?!?!?! Motherf--king when?! He's in his 6th season and if it hasn't happened yet, it will NEVER happen. The Niners were well on their way to defeating the Eagles on Sunday Night and Alex Smith fell to pieces like a little girl in Toys 'R' Us, who's mommy wouldn't buy her a new Barbie. Enoughs enough, If you want the 49ers to be a contender again; go get a QB. Why not let David Carr get the start? Teams always do this. Once they label a guy, "The future" they are so afraid to pull the plug fearing they will look stupid about their erroneous prediction. This guy is clearly a bust. If Eddie DeBartolo was there, he would have shot him. Move on.

Alex Smith's stats from year one until week 2...

38 TDs, 47 INTs, 7529 yards passing, 69 QB rating. Yawn, F'in yawn.

Next on the hit list...Viking head coach Brad Childress. And when I say, "Head coach", I mean "Useless guy who has Zero positive impact or input" on the Vikings. Childress isn't in charge and is the head coach by name alone. Why does he give Brett farve free reign when the game is on the line? Vikings-Jets Monday Night...All the Vikings needed to do was march 30 yards and get a field goal to end the game. What does Childress do? He let's Brett Farve throw like it was going out of style. Childress consistently abandons the running game when it's necessary. I hate his stupid face already. He has the look of "what went wrong?" when everyone knows that "what went wrong" is Childress.

Hey Childress, when you standing there like a stupid statue, Farve and Moss were on the sidelines making their own plays like it was a sandlot game. You don't think the Jets seen that? What did you think? That your sideline was protected by an invisible force field? Retard. By the way, Randy Moss joined the team 4 days before the game and didn't know the playbook, yet you let Farve try to force passes to Moss ALL NIGHT LONG. And Randy was covered by a REDHOT Antonio Cromartie. Gimme a break. Did you ever hear of the word decoy? No I guess not. If anybody was playing chess with Childress, I'd imagine that all you have to do to win is point and say, "Look! Bigfoot!" and Childress will turn around and you can put all your pieces back on the board. F'in idiot. This guy could be out smarted while thumb wrestling a 3 fingered toddler.

Next! Wade Phillips. Let me ask everyone something, "How does Wade keep getting hired as a head coach?" Lifetime head coaching stats on Phillips... 81-54 regular season record, 1-4 in the playoffs, .600 winning percentage. Let me get a few things straight. I never liked this guy for one. I mean, if you need him to put together a great defense; he's your man. But he isn't a leader and doesn't belong coaching the Dallas Cowboys. This team is stocked with talent and yet they are 1-3.

Wade's teams have always been like this for the most part, "Allot of talent but they blow up in a big spot and always get flagged for stupid penalties". After TE Jason Witten scored the other day against Tennesseesesesesssesee, Witten hands the ball to an offensive lineman who then spikes it. Flag! Now Dallas has to kickoff from their own 15. The Titans run it back to the Dallas 5 and score a TD on the drive. Game over. That penalty killed Dallas.

Wade is one of those," buddy buddy" coaches who always has undisciplined teams. His players should be aware of the rules but Wade is a piss poor head coach. The only reason he's been in Dallas this long is because Wade is from Texas and Jerry Jones must feel some sort of kinship with this native son. If this talent stocked Dallas squad doesn't turn things around, heads will roll and Wade will be the first to go.

Kudos to Rex Ryan. I can't believe I said that. During a Jet pregame show, Rex was asked a Viking trivia question..."What was the nickname of the Vikings defense in the seventies? Rex quickly responded with, "The Purple People Eaters" and then went on to name it's front four and their backups. Good job Rex on your NFL history but you're still a fat a-hole. But good job anyway.

Things that drive me crazy....

To the Colts defense. Peyton can't do everything. Can you guys overpower a team and lead the Colts to victory? Give Manning a break. Colts lose and cameras turn right to Peyton as if to say, "Maybe Manning isn't that good, the loss is his fault." Come on son, this isn't the NBA where 1 guy can lead you to victory every game.

T.O. tweets before a game. Come on Owens, you know the rules. No tweets before the game. If this guy worried a much about football as he does about his misspelled tweets then we might be crowning him, "Greatest WR in NFL History." But instead, he's a trouble making bum without a ring. Hey Owens, you've already played for 5 teams. 27 to go!

Eagle's QB Kevin Kolb. Not "the future" as they say. He plays like a scared wuss and always has the look of panicked constipation on his face.

Eagle head Coach Andy Reid. Eat some vegetables. You're getting fatter every year. What do you eat for dinner every night? Deep fried Doughnuts filled with chop meat covered in chocolate oil sauce? That's not healthy.

Ghost of Lombardi's "Bet The House"

It's time for the third installment of Ghost of Lombardi's "Bet The House". It's easy and fun for children and geriatrics of all ages. Here's how it works. You read this, then take the dead lock picks I give you and like a drone call your bookie and BET! THE! HOUSE!

Disclaimer: Ghost of Lombardi is not responsible for all and any loss of property or possessions. Seek counseling if you or a loved one have a gambling problem. The National Council on Problem Gambling is standing by 24 hours a day to help you with your addiction, call 1-800-522-4700. Remember it's not your fault, you're just a pussy.

It's week five and the season is flying faster than Deanna Farve to a divorce lawyer. Yuk yuk yuk. Here we go. The Jaguars or how they say in that car commercial, "Jaggie-wars", visit Buffalo this week in a pure stinker. You couldn't give away tickets to this one. I'd rather see a Pittsburgh Pirates v. Washington Nationals game. Seriously, I'd rather watch a goldfish jerk off. Anyway, both teams are a wreck and it's gonna come down to who's house is "less on fire". I'm taking Jacksonville. Jaggie-wars 21 Bills 17. 

The NY Football Giants are facing a red hot Houston team in Reliant Stadium. I'm not sure which version of NY football that we'll see. Will it be the defense from last week or Tom Coughlin's "Stroke face" that headlines the day? Houston's Andre Johnson is still battling an ankle injury but all else fails, they'll go to the ground with power house running back Arian Foster. I'm taking he Giants this week but if they screw this up, I'm betting against them for the rest of the year. Giants 38 Texans 14. 

Kansas City at Indianapolis. The Chiefs are the only undefeated team left but the record might reflect a mistake in the cosmic balance. I think they're starting to come together but aren't as good as they sound. Peyton Manning will surely blow a gasket or a turtle if this team unravels. I've taken the Colts all year and I'm betting on the numbers in this one, you can't keep Peyton down for long. Colts 31 Chiefs 20. 

Here we go, another shitty one. Tampa Bay visiting Cincinnati. Ick. I'd rather see a Pirates v. Nationals double header then watch this one. I'd rather watch a goldfish perform auto-erotic asphyxiation and hang himself in a closet like David Carridine. The only thing this one has going for it is the wacky debauchery of the T.Ochocinco show, if you're into that kind of horse shit. Bengals 27 Bucs 10.

Finally, a watchable one. Green Bay vs. Washington at FedEx Field. This game will be a barn burner. Think passing fest. Think shootout. I believe this game will come down to, "Who has the ball last". Mcnabb has been quite impressive but I'm going youth on this one. Pack 38 Skins 31.

Rams at Lions. If this was last year and I lived in either one of these cities, I'd cry. But this game is slowly becoming better then it sounds. The Rams pass allot and the Lions, well they do Lion things I guess. Can't give you much insight on this one other then they are both dome teams on the rise. Take the St. Louis though. Rams 17 Lions 10.

Bears v. Panthers aka Roe v. Wade. Think abortion on this one. It doesn't look like Chicago's Jay Cutler will play, so career clipboard holder Todd Collins gets the start. The Panthers are terrible and the Chicago still has Devon Hester. It could come down to special teams winning the game. Bears 21 Panthers 3.

Atlanta comes to Cleveland this week. I'm sticking with my rule, "Never pick orange teams." I know, I know, you're saying, "But Ghost, you picked the Bengals over the Bucs". Relax, the Bucs are far worse then the Bengals but if you like Tampa, go for it you junkie. Back to Cleveland. They are horrible. Why do you think Holmgren took the GM job instead of coach? He knew, there is no possible way of turning this franchise around so take the money and sit in a comfortable chair. Atlanta 28 Browns 10.

Broncos at Ravens. Denver QB Kyle Orton hasn't done a bad job thus far but they're missing key parts mainly being: a whole team. They are clearly in a rebuilding transition and waiting for the day that Tim Tebow grows into his role and becomes the leader. However, the Ravens are my favorite to be in the AFC Championship. Big game for Raven QB Flacco. Ravens 41 Broncos 17.

Arizona host the Saints in the desert. New Orleans isn't playing as well as last year but they should take this one. Arizona is complete garbage. Ownership and management wrecked this team. How do you let go of almost all of your all-stars? Karlos Dansby: gone. Antrel Rolle: gone. Anquan Boldin: gone, Kurt Warner: retired. Then the future of the team Matt Leinart, a 2006 first round draft is released. Are you F'in kidding me? You spent 4 years grooming this guy under Warner and then you release him only to bring in Derek Anderson? Whatta joke. Saints 28 Arizona 13.

Tennesseeseeeneessee at Dallas. I hate the name of that state. It's founding fathers must have drunk when they named it. (in a country bumpkin voice)..."Yeah um we gonna name dis state Tennessee" (voice from the crowd) "How do we spell that one Cletus?" (country bumpkin) "Well you git yurself a "T" and then mix up a buncha "e's" "n's" and "s's" until it looks right. "Alright Cletus, sounds gud". Back to the game, it's a good one Cletus. Dallas Cowboys over the Tennennessessesenesee Titans 24-21

San Diego at Oakland. Oakland is on the rise with QB Bruce Gradkoowski but they are the team that finds a way to lose. San Diego takes this in a yawner. S.D. 24 Oakland 17

Sunday Night: Philly in San Fran. Michael Vick is injured so Kevin Kolb will get the start. The Niners desperately need a win to have any chance of staying playoff worthy. This is a tough pick with Kolb playing. He hasn't looked good at all this year. I'm taking the 49ers. S.F. 23 Philly 20

Monday Night: Vikings v. Jets. This one will forever be known as, "The Brett Farve Dick Pic Game". I don't think it's any coincidence that this story was released just days before the game. The Jets and head coach Rex Ryan will do anything to get a win. The Jets would pimp their mothers or eat a baby if it meant a check in the win column. I'm not going to throw numbers or match ups at you. I'm betting with the story on this one. In the past, Brett has performed well under adversity. His brother in law dies four wheeling on his property: win. His wife gets diagnosed with breast cancer: win. His dad dies: win. Bet with Farve and his drama in this one. Plus, Minnesota picked up Randy Moss this week. It should be a good game. Vikings 31 Jets 28.

That's my picks. Thanks for reading and have an auto-erotic day!

The Day The Music Died

We were all wondering what would summon legendary quarterback Brett Farve down from his podium that stretches far to the outer limits of the solar system. Like many immortals of the past, we can't fathom which particular kryptonite will be effective enough to bring a hero to the knees of mortality. To the horizon line where the sight of  humans meet the eye's of gods.

I always listened to songs like "Mrs. Robinson" and wondered why the artist felt that there was a culmination to what they defined as greatness. "Where have you gone Joe DiMaggio? our nation turns it's lonely eyes to you", Sings Paul Simon. What did he mean? There were many great ball players then and to come, so why lose your mind? But I would later realize that he was speaking more of a pristine benchmark that was no longer there rather then a particular loss. A tarnished ideal that never exceeds it's potential.

Here we go again, a tune played Ad nauseam. Oh God!? is that Don McLean driving his Chevy to the levy but the levy is dry? Why whine and wax for Buddy Holly, Ritchie Valens and the Big Bopper? There's plenty of great Rock n' Roll to listen to Don. It's not over, but it is. To McLean, that era was the standard. Something so uniquely personal and special that even if Jesus Christ himself, came down off the cross and played guitar with his teeth, it would never match what he experienced before the day the music died. 

"February made me shiver, with every paper I'd deliver." Well it's not February and nobody reads the paper anymore. But I did get a shiver with every browser filled with Brett Farve's alleged attempted affair with Jet's reporter Jenn Sterger. Apparently, when Brett was a Jet, he tried to solicit Sterger via myspace, telephone and even used a NY Jet executive as a note passing middle man. Voicemail messages have been released and worst of all, pictures of Brett's offensive unit. No, not the guys he plays football with but the unit he wanted Sterger to... it's er, a...Ok enough with the euphemisms, you see Farve's dick. Allegedly.

Warning: This is very damaging to the mind and soul, but if you must... www.deadspin.com

What was Farve thinking? Yes, Jenn Sterger, a former Maxim model is smoking hot. I get it. But come on! Why be so sloppy about your approach Brett? Voice mails? Dick pics? Did he really think that none of this would ever surface? We aren't far removed from the Tiger Woods scandal and here we are again, another athlete with the mind of a high school boy; without thought or consequence. It's like he wanted to get caught.

Maybe I'm making too much of this but I always thought that old number 4 would leave the field a champion, with all the class and accolades of an American hero. Another one bites the dust. Maybe I'm an idealist. Always thought a defensive end or old age would end this career, not a hot chick. I realize that everyone has their faults but is everyone stupid too? He has it all: NFL quarterback, Super Bowl titles, a pretty wife, children, grand children, money, trials and tribulations overcome. His story is like the Odyssey with a helmet. I guess I'll never understand it and I'm not sure that the greatest PR firm in the country can handle this one. How oh how can this be spun? "Brett sends dick pics to a much younger woman while married to a cancer survivor". It can't be spun, as the inarticulate will say, "It is what it is." Instead of ending this story book career with an exclamation point, it will commence with every idiot's delight and favorite crutch; lol.

Every generation has it's hero and villains. It's winners and losers. As we evolve on our course into the future, the lines become a little more blurry with every second's tick. Our perceptions of black and white have been spun into a putrid grey. Goliath becomes more like David and David sends inappropriate pics via text message. The game goes on without it's goal and the movie no longer relies on a happy ending. The radio plays on even though the music has died.

Ghost's Opponent Insider: Houston Texans

The New York Football Giants fly to Houston this week to face the red hot 3-1 Texans. The last time these two teams played was in 2006 with the Giants stealing a 14-10 win at home. But let's face the facts, this is NOT that 12.5 point underdog. Houston's only loss this year came off a Dallas must win. And let's not forget, they beat the Colts. So Let's get out our football scalpel and slice this week 5 match up to bits.

The Texans run a fairly balanced offense but rely a little more on the pass. Quarterback Matt Schaub is quickly making a name for himself in this league. This year alone, he has passed for 1037 yards, 7 TDs, 4 INTs for a 95.6 passer rating. Not to Schaubby. Ick! I know, a horribly stretched pun. If he continues on this pace, we're looking at 4,000 yards passing and 28 tds. Matt spreads the ball around but his main targets tend to be receivers Andre Johnson (1 TD, 255 yds) and Kevin Walter (3 TDs, 242 yds). Johnson has been hurt so I'm anxious to see how much he will contribute. 

The Giants front four needs to put pressure on Schaub and force him into "Cutler's panic". Schaub has been sacked 11 times for 63 yards. If Tuck, Osi and Co. do half as well as last week and the secondary does it's job, It will be a long day for Matt. On average, NY's pass defense has only given up 139 yards per game. This battle will give us a good idea where the Giants stand defensively.

The true test will come on NY's ability to contain running back Arian Foster. He is the lead horse for Houston averaging 134 yards per game, 6.3 yards a carry and 4 TDs. Houston will surely be looking to take advantage of NY on the ground as they've given up nearly 4 yards a carry. Not huge numbers but enough to make this a grind game and covert 3rd's to 1st's. Again, this game will be won or lost in the trenches so it is imminent that Big Blue applies consistent pressure and containment. If they can shut down Foster, they'll be forced into long throwing situations.

Watch & Exploit:

Watch out for Houston's Mario Williams and Bernard Pollard. Pollard leads the team in tackles with 41 but he is a safety.  Usually a hint: Safeties who lead the team in tackles= poor rush defense. But that's not the case here. Houston has held opponents to 281 yards rushing in 4 games but they are very shaky against the pass, giving up 337 yards a game. This would explain why Pollard has so many tackles. 

Giant's offensive coordinator Kevin Gilbride needs change it up a bit. For one: prepare and be creative. Exploit Houston's secondary by utilizing 3 WR sets and decoys to distract Pollard away from the ball. I recommend short 8-10 yard dump offs that will give Pollard less time to come over and help his corners. Create 1 on 1 match ups and spread out the offense. Once the Texans adjust, I see many opportunities for the long ball. Giant WRs will be open all day, so get them the ball, frequent and early. Especially Nicks. he is a game breaker and does well in 1 on 1 situations.

NY's O-line will have their hands full. Defensive End Mario Williams is a beast and has already registered 5 sacks for the year. Keep him away from Eli and he should be able to throw for 350+ yards on that tattered Texan secondary. Keep in mind, establish the run but don't force it. The Giant's have the tendency to keep using something that isn't working. If the run game isn't working early, don't worry. Think backwards this week: Pass to set up the run. 

Fun little facts: Houston is 50% on 3rd down conversions and they usually pass on first down. Giant's defensive coordinator Perry Fewell knows this. So Perry, make sure throw some strange looks at Houston on first down. Start by faking the blitz on first forcing Shaub to audible run. Perhaps, reel Houston into believing that it's man coverage on first, switch to zone and send Ross in on a blitz. Play minds games and remember Houston is hot but they're newly hot. 

In closing remember, pressure Schaub, contain Foster, be creative on defense and offense, exploit Houston's secondary, pass to set up the run and don't play like sissies.  

Giant Defense Crushes Cutler

The Giant defense had a huge outing yesterday, registering an all time first half with 9 sacks on Chicago's Jay Cutler. Many will say, "Defense is back for Big Blue" but I would be cautious before you start chanting Super Bowl. It's a relief that NY has many positives to build on and we all await the day for both sides of the ball to be on the same page, in the same game. A win is a win but the 17-3 final score does not reflect the missed opportunities that the
Giants gave up on offense.

NY's defense provided a nostalgic segue to half time's "Ring of Honor" ceremony. It was really great to see the Giants return to their roots and all 30 inductees must have felt sense of pride seeing the Bears go 3 and out on multiple drives. Jay Cutler spent most of the half on the ground or running for his life until corner back Aaron Ross finally put him out of his misery. Cutler left the game with a concussion after smacking his head on the turf during a corner blitz.

Career backup QB Todd Collins took over at the half and didn't do much better. He was knocked around and replaced by the third string QB after a brutal hit. I must mention that the Giants will not see this type of offense for the rest of the season or until the next time they play the Bears. Chicago doesn't run the ball much and hardly ever uses max protect packages; leaving the QB vulnerable. Also, the Bears QB's utilize a 7 step drop back that gives them less time to set up and they hold onto the ball 2 or 3 seconds longer then they should. Cutler had many WRs open in the middle of the field but chose to play street ball often looking for deep passes and the big play. Offensive coordinator Mike Martz is known for these "wacky" offenses and unfortunately the Giants won't encounter a team like this again.

Onto NY's offense. In a word, "Torturous". When your defense is playing this well, you must put away the game sooner then later. WR's are still dropping well thrown balls and Eli's looked frustrated. I've noticed that Manning tends to get sloppy after his receivers drop easy catches. I can't tell you what the score might have been without all the mistakes that were made on offense. The Bears defense played well at best but it was the Giants who were still shooting themselves in the foot by not converting turnovers into touchdowns.

Bradshaw played well but I'm getting increasingly concerned about his tendency to put the ball on the ground in a big spot. He broke off a nice run and was 5 yards from a TD. For some reason, he slowed down and didn't see a Bear's defender coming up from behind to strip him. Lost opportunity. I can't say for sure but it appeared Bradshaw was looking at himself on the screen while running. Unacceptable.

Brandon Jacobs: I like you less and less every week. What happened to this guy? Don't let his 62 yards and 1 TD fool you. His one yard six point scamper was set up after a big catch by by WR Hakeem Nicks. And his 62 yards rushing? Padded stats that came late in the game. His first carry was a fumbled exchange between he and Manning. By rule, missed exchanges of this type are reflected as a fumble for the QB. But anyone who was watching seen that it was Brandon's fault for sure. The Giants went back to Jacobs and he almost put another one on the ground. For a player who says he wants to contribute, he surely goes out of his way to do the opposite and give Tom Coughlin stroke face. 

When will NY at least consider bringing in another punter? Matt Dodge is quickly becoming a walking coined phrase. Football scouts in the future will see a punter with his ability or disability and say, "Wow booming leg, inconsistent, he's a Matt Dodge." Mark my words, Dodge will cost the Giants a big game. He's only comfortable kicking when the Giants have a decent lead and is otherwise a mistake laden bundle of nerves that has too much negative impact. Dodge botched a hold on a field goal attempt. Laces out Matt! At one point he dropped the snap and took off running. He could've keep going and picked up a first but decided to punt on the run. What? Punting is supposed to be nearly automatic but this guy makes it out to be as difficult to pull off as a 64 yarder into the wind. 

All in all NY made it out with a win but we can't go backwards gentlemen. This is the time to take what you did and maximize potential. With 3 of 4 NFC East teams tied for first, Now is the perfect moment to play Giant football. Run the ball and defense. Fair weather fans will be bored to death but this equation translates into regular season wins and post season glory. Take a bow and move on to Houston.

Here we go Gi-ants! Here we go!

The Giants are starting to look more and more like a M.A.S.H. unit at Iwo Jima. Injuries have bugged this team for a couple of years now and it makes you question the off season conditioning program in East Rutherford. Is there such a program?

Out this week: Kiwi-bulging disc, Michael Johnson- back, (out for the year), Will Beaty-foot, Shaun O'Hara- ankle.

Keith Bulluck is doubtful-turf toe.

Questionable: Osi-knee, Rocky Bernard- back, he's always on the injury report.

Probable: Chase Blackburn- Knee, Mario Manningham- concussion, Darius Reynauld- migraines (NY got him in a trade from the Vikings, guess he caught migraines from Percey Harvin), Phillip Dillard- hamstring, (2010 draft pick, yet to see this guy play)

The above mentioned are players that we know to be injured. What about the ones we don't know about? And I didn't even get into players like Sinorice Moss who are chronically injured and yet to see action this year.


NY is a "Murphy's Law" of follies. Leadership issues, coaching issues, penalties, mistakes, inconsistency and injuries. I'm hoping the young players can step up. Hopefully Clint Sintim can make an impact at middle linebacker because it's becoming obvious that free agent pickups like Keith Bulluck are too old and banged up to make any sort of positive contribution. 

I realize that many of my posts are laced in negative speak. You would think that I hate Big Blue and that's just not the case. In my defense, there has been nothing positive to write about unless you want to hear more about the players and their private charity work.

Dread is the word I use to describe my state of mind right before I open the sports section every day. Dread quickly turns to frustration and onto panic. I've watched football for a long time now and know any turn around would be nothing short of a miracle. The Bears game is a silent must win or we'll be looking at a team that is no better then 3-13.

Ghost of Lombardi's "Bet The House" Twooooooo!

Hello fellas and dames. It's Friday and you know what that means. Time for the second installment of Ghost of Lombardi's "Bet The House". This is where I give you predictions and insight only attainable by great football minds like myself. Picks so good that you'll feel confident enough to run out and BET! THE! HOUSE! Last week I went 11-4, not to shabby. So here we go...

Disclaimer: Ghost of Lombardi is not responsible for any and all loss of property. All picks are made after very little sleep and much whiskey breakfast.

The Cowboys, Cheifs, Vikings and Bucs are all off this week. The NY Jets travel to Buffalo to face the much laughed at Bills. What can I say about Buffalo other then, I'm glad I'm not a Bills fan. With the release this week of QB Trent Edwards, Ryan Fitzpatrick will get the start while the Jets have added another big name to their defense; DE Trevor Pryce. I hate to say it but the Jets will win and win big. If the Bills upset in this one, I'll change my name to Ghost of girly girl pink thong dildo head. Jets 34 Bills 17. Cincinnati at Cleveland. I always say, "It's safe to never pick orange teams" but this week they play each other. Cleveland being the worst of them, I'm taking the Bengals by 14.

Denver comes to town to face the Titans. The Broncos are shaky at best and Titan running back Chris Johnson should have a huge! huge! huge! day on the ground. Titans 28 Broncos 14. Here we go again, Drew Brees "at home in a dome" against the fall apart Panthers. This one is going to be like the Saints are playing a high school squad. Saints 38 Panthers 7. Green Bay will host Detroit in a NFC North match-up. Seems like any easy choice but when you're picking the NFC North or the NFC East, all bets are off. The Packers still seem unstable since the loss of running back Ryan Grant. I flipped a coin on this one, Packers 21 Detroit 10. The Rams are coming off a big win over the Redskins and will be riding a high when they host Seattle. This is a recipe for an all out drudging. Seattle's Leon Washington had a big game with two returns for touchdowns. I'm sure the Rams will throw allot but you know what they say, "Live by the gun, die by the gun". Seahawks 27 Rams 17.

San Fran at Atlanta. The 49ers are in a state of "What?" What do we do? What was that? What was I thinking? I feel like they could sneak out a win here but I'm going on what I see, a team in a nose dive. Did you know that San Francisco locals hate when "outsiders" use the term San Fran when referring to their city? Oh well, Atlanta 24 San Fran 14. The Ravens come to Pittsburgh this week. I always spell "Pittsburgh" wrong often leaving off that stupid "h" that really has no purpose. I mean who says, Pittsburg-hhh and breathes their hot man breath all over you. Disgusting. The Steelers have been winning with defense and it doesn't seem to matter who is playing quarterback but they're due for a loss. Joe Flacco is going to open up shop on them and Troy Palamalalalolalelaoa (I can't say his name never mind spell it) won't be able to cover all the talent they have at wide receiver. Baltimore 35 Pittsburg-hhh 17.

Houston at Oakland. Borrr-ring! Houston 28 Oakland 21. Peyton Manning vs. Jacksonville. Come on son?! The P. Mannings 34  Jacksonville 14. (rubbing my hands together in suspense) OOOOH Boy! Washington in Philly. McNabb will face his former team in a stadium that many would love to see, burnt to the ground. Their fans are mean spirited s.o.b.'s. When they're not watching the Eagles, they spend their time drinking scotch, stepping on babies' fingers and kidney punching wheel chair bound old ladies. Awful people. The over-under on McNabb getting booed is 14. I'm mean these are people, that only go to church because they think they're actually eating the remains of Jesus Christ. Anyway, Eagles 34 Redskins 31 in a close one. Arizona at San Diego. Take your pick. Who knows, who cares. Chargers 21 Arizona 17.

Sunday night will feature Giants v. Bears. Unfortunately, the Giants have to play this week. I'm a big fan of the bye week at this point and wish they had one. Wake up NY! The good news: The Giants have fared well against the run. The bad news: The Bears' running backs have a combined 53 rushing attempts. Jay Cutler has thrown over 90 times so expect him to pass and throw up many opportunities for NY to take advantage of. I can't stress this enough. Big Blue needs to pick this guy 2-3 times in order to pull out a win. And The Giant defense has to get to Cutler. He takes a 7 step drop and holds the ball forever. This is the game that the Giants could have handed to them on a silver platter. Come on D! Giants 28 Bears 21. Yes I picked the Giants.

Monday Night: Are you ready for some Hank Williams Jr? What's the deal with that guy? He appears to be ageless. He's looked the same since I was four. I guess a big beard IS the secret to looking younger after all! When Hank's finished singing his trademark song, we'll see the Patriots line up against Miami in Sun Life Stadium or should I say, "vamos a ver a los Patriotas de Nueva Inglaterra juegan los Dolphins de Miami en el Estadio Sun Life".  Hope thats right, it just being Spanish heritage month and all. I got to admit, I was confused last Sunday and turned the game off thinking it was soccer when they opened with "Los Nueva Airoplanos v. Los Miami Fishyfishes". Anyway, New England should win this one. Patriots 30 Los Miami ADolphinsnotafishy 20. 

Well that's my picks. So have a great day and shitty weekend.

P.S. Thanks for all your response this week, keep em' coming! 

Tiki Runs His Mouth Again

Tiki Barber: NY's legendary fumble king

I'm not surprised because Tiki Barber has done it before and ever since he has left the NY Giants. Whenever the opportunity presents itself, Tiki runs his mouth. This is the time of year when the media turns to Barber and asks for his "expert" opinion on the current state of affairs in NY. Old fumble hands, lambasted Coughlin regarding the perception that Tom is losing the team. He says,"In NY, perception is reality". Tom might be losing the team but we don't need Tiki to confirm this. It's weird, because the media treats him like he is somewhat relevant and he isn't. Barber who formerly worked for NBC is 4 years removed from the team and yet somehow people think what he has to say is actually credible. It's laughable.

As you get older, words and their meanings tend to change. One of those words for me is, "Legend". I look back at people who were dubbed legendary and wonder if their reputations exceed them a bit. Example, my Grandmother and mother thought highly of Elvis. As a kid I was told, "Elvis was one of the greatest musicians that ever lived." Now I don't want to take away anything from this great American icon but I came to learn that Elvis didn't play instruments, as I was told and really wasn't a musician by definition. Many of his songs in fact, were written by other people. He could sing of course but he was more or less a performer that put on a great show rather then this all inclusive demigod. Fans of Elvis took what he was and molded a legend that is slightly askew. And so the process begins for Barber, if we let it.

No doubt will we see his name raised into the "Ring of Honor" on Sunday night as he does deserve it being the Giants all-time rushing leader (10,449 yards from scrimmage). Plus Tiki is 22 on the all-time NFL rushing list. But let's put this in it's proper, "perspective in NY." In his 10 year career, he scored 67 rushing/receiving touchdowns. Nice right? But he put the ball on the ground 53 times. In fact, Barber didn't learn how to protect the ball until 3 years before his retirement. He caused a division in the locker room that wasn't fixed until he was gone. When the opportunity arose for him to take the team on his back in Super Bowl 35, he chose to remain nearly invisible (11 carries for 49 yards, longest 27 yards). As much as he helped the Giants, he hurt them and his numbers are well padded.

I can think of two reasons why Tiki has been so critical of the Giants since his departure. First, I guess he's still burning about retiring one year shy of Super Bowl glory. But that isn't Big Blue's fault. If I remember correctly, The Giants were distraught at the fact that they weren't sure who would step up and fill the void left by Tiki. Second, It's obvious that Barber used his affiliation with the team to bolster his position at NBC. Nobody talks about this guy until there's a negative story surrounding East Rutherford. Mr. Slippery Fingers used his NBC podium to spit in the face of the franchise and further his television career. Any love for Tiki in NY has soured and he will be remembered as a traitor. Other players have retired and succeeded through other paths without trashing their team. Phil Simms didn't need to be shocking. Go away Tiki, we won't grow your legend.

NY Giant's "Ring of Honor"- The Full List

You will not get this list anywhere else! The NY Giants will pay tribute to 30 Big Blue legends Sunday night during halftime. The team has released 6 names and the full list will not be known until the game, unless of course you are the Ghost of Lombardi. Without further delay, here's the full list...

Harry Carson- Linebacker
Benny Friedman- Quarterback
Roosevelt Brown- Tackle
Frank Gifford- Halfback
Alphonse (Tuffy) Leemans- Halfback, Fullback
Morris (Red) Badgro- End
Sam Huff- Linebacker
Arnold Weinmeister- Defensive Tackle
George Martin- Defensive end
Wellington Mara- Co-Owner
Lawrence Taylor- Linebacker
Tim Mara- Founder
Mel Hein- Center
Cal Hubbard- Tackle
Steve Owen- Coach
Ken Strong- Halfback
Emlen Tunnell- Defensive Back
Amani Toomer- Wide Receiver
Andy Robustelli- Defensive End
Y.A. Tittle- Quarterback
Phil Simms- Quarterback         
Michael Strahan- Defensive end
Tiki Barber- Running Back
Bill Parcells- Head Coach       
Otis Anderson- Running Back
Robert Tisch- Co-owner
Ray Flaherty- Coach, (first number to be retired by any team in major league sports)
Al Blozis- Tackle
Charlie Conerly- Quarterback
Joe Morrison- Running Back

Sign Of The Times: A Ring of Honor

I was wondering when it was coming and it's here: The Giant's will unveil a "Ring of Honor" in tribute to 30 former NY Giant greats during halftime Sunday night. They will include Bill Parcells, Michael Strahan, Tiki Barber, Phil Simms, Frank Gifford and Pete Gogolak. The rest of the ring won't be announced until the game.

I wonder if Lawrence Taylor will be inducted and/or invited due to legal woes from his tryst with an underage lady of the night. Lord knows that the Gmen don't need any more bad press.

I've been watching football for a long time now and know these two things for sure. 1) Teams usually don't come out of disastrous beginnings like the Giants have created; they pitfall and unintentionally position themselves into the first pick of the draft. 2) When a franchise is in turmoil, proper marketing and distraction are clutch. "Rings of Honor", "Fan Appreciation Day" and ceremonies of that nature are implemented to remind fans of the good times and keep their minds off of the fact that their favorite team is on a crash course to front page infamy.

Eli to Tom,"My heart will go on"

I'm sure I will be guilty of indulging in the halftime parade of nostalgia. Every die hard Giant fan will have their heart strings tugged when Phil Simms comes walking out, we just can't help it and the organization knows this. Even when the living wax statue that is Frank Gifford, slowly makes his way to the 50 yard line, I will feel sentimental for a time before my time and pride for a team that is far removed from glory. But keep reminding yourself, it is what it is: a distraction. Even though the violinists keep playing, the Titanic will certainly sink.

But that's what we do as humans isn't it? Laugh at a funeral. Sing songs about peace during a war. Invite former champions to come over in the midst of a free fall. It's just like when you invite grandpa to dinner. You love him but you don't like him anymore. You love what he was. I mean, who loves a narcissist with the fashion sense of a scarecrow, wafting with the smell of club man? He's terrible now. He just sits there complaining about "kids these days", "when I was your age" and "Oh if I were young again, I'd..". You can't help but saying, "I love you Grandpa but shut up and eat your high fiber cereal." "Did you know that when I was your age, I won a war all by myself?" Yes Grandpa, we know, you stormed the beaches of Normandy and choke slammed Nazis all the way to Berlin.

So on Sunday, when NY is down by 21, enjoy those Giant Grandpas at midfield. Remember to be kind and clap when Old Phil waxes poetic, "When I was your age I went  22 of 25 for 268 yards and three touchdowns in a Super Bowl." (In an old man voice) "I remember when Chuck Bednarick knocked me clean from my knickers". Yes Giff, you were tough, we know, put your teeth back in. Be sure to keep an evil eye pointed firmly at the owners box knowing that they are just trying to trick you by playing on your emotions. They know this team is a wreck and let's face it, "Ring of Honor Night" is just a short, polite euphemism for "PSL owner appreciation night at the New Meadowlands Duplex; man you guys got suckered on this one".

Breaking News: 471 Yards of Offense Equals Loss

"What do you want from me?"

The Giants out gained the Titans by 200 yards in a losing effort at the Meadowlands. Where to begin? Well let's see. Wide receivers are still tipping passes in the air like it was volleyball. "Small Blue" gave up a safety, a fumble, two INTs and 75 yards of personal fouls. Lawrence Tynes missed two, count them, two field goals. False starts and even a delay of game on a field goal attempt. Whenever NY was at a point to turn the game around, someone in blue would shoot them in the leg. This team is coming apart at the seams and Tom Coughlin has lost all control.

NY went into the half tied with Tennessee at 10. The score made it seem like a balanced game but it wasn't. The Giants held the ball for almost 3/4 of the half and couldn't convert TDs in the redzone. The Giant defense did a good job on Chris Johnson but the offense was a circus of mistakes. I'd like to know why there is so many tips by WRs who make a fortune to catch passes. I'd like to know why Bradshaw carries the ball like he's a QB. Walter Payton used to run with the ball unprotected but he didn't put it on the ground like Bradshaw did on the goal line. Pop Warner mistakes that would make Bear Bryant rise from his grave to eat a baby.

Another missed opportunity occurred within the 10. Eli drops back to pass, there's nothing there so he runs. When Eli is 3 yards shy of a TD he decides to toss a left handed pass that was picked off . What? You can't write a worse outcome. Why not run for it? I nearly sh%# my sofa.

Lawrence Tynes has proven that he's useless beyond 40 yards. Utterly useless. He was 1 for 3, leaving 6 on the field. At one point, NY lined up to kick a field goal only to be flagged for a delay of game. Thanks Matt Dodge, add this to the list of things you can't do. But don't blame him, kicking tees can't tell time either. Back it up five and of course Tynes missed that one too. This is where I finally sh%# the sofa. Maybe he should start attempting kicks with his other foot, blind folded and under the influence of meth. By no means would you ever make the mistake of calling him automatic. He's like a rifle that shoots blanks. He is as useful to the Giants as a eunuch is to a sperm bank.

Kareem McKenzie, (me clapping sarcastically). You go big girl! Two personal fouls and both were right in front of a ref. Are you kidding me? No No, I mean how do you throw down an opposing player, with the game on line and everyone is watching? That's like robbing a bank in the presence of the NYPD or trying to hug the president. Yank him for good, I'd rather see what Andrews can do.

Oh and can't forget about everyone's favorite tip-toe, east-west running, standing straight up in the air running back who skips for a loss like he was on the f#%@&*# yellow! brick! road! The Cowardly Jacobs. In his best imitation of Jeremy Shockey, Jacobs the spruce goose grabs a nice gain and then goes into an epileptic seizure, kicking and fighting only to draw flags. Well done dummy. You said you had something to prove this week and you did. Helmets aren't just for football, keep yours on while you ride the short bus all the way to the trade deadline. At this point I'd deal him to Green Bay for a cheese wheel or San Diego for a glass of sea water. If he was on the way to OZ, he'd have to ask the wizard for a heart, courage, a brain and those little red shoes that are to die for! Wait, can he ask the wonderful wizard for balls? He needs them too.

Believe it or not, I feel bad for Tom Coughlin. He has lost total control here. I'm not sure that he can regain it. This team is a mess. When he came out before the game, sporting his trademark red face, I knew then it was over. Tom can scream and shout all he wants but I believe this team lacks all semblance of discipline. Unfortunately you can't teach common sense, that's a fact of life. How do you grab a player and say, "Kareem don't throw a guy on the ground in front of the ref, please". Hey Antrel Rolle, "Don't smack a guy in the face, you'll get called for 15".  "Bradshaw, tuck the ball in when running." Aren't these obvious things? Hey Brandon,"fire is hot, no touch." I guess sometimes with children, you have to pat them on the head and just say to yourself, "Hey, I did the best I could, so what if he eats his own Lego's." Final score Titans 29 Smalls 10.

(Deep breath) I guess if I were asked to describe this version of the NY Giants in two words or less, it would be... Awesomely Awful

No Friends In Football

I love you man

There was a time when NFL players looked to Sunday as a legal way to rip someone's head clear from their neck. An animalistic ferocity that left fans foaming at the mouth onto their couch. Much of violence is of course still there but at times it feels like players are too friendly with each other for my taste and tend to hold back on the buddies they club with. It's not the gentleman's game and you won't get a mulligan for missing a big hit. But there's no reason to slap an opposing player on the helmet for a big play against you or picking him off the turf after a leveling.

I remember a clip of Lawrence Tayor screaming on the sidelines,"Let's go out there like a bunch of crazed dogs!" It wasn't an act and I genuinely believed that he was there to bite someone in the face and leave them with rabies. Deacon Jones, a fierce defensive end, didn't hit the club with his buddies rather he clubbed the thoughts from their brain. A move later banned by the league. He used to come up off the line and swing this tree like arm into the oppositions head, knocking the helmet off. In an interview he claims, "That was my intention". Beautiful.

What am I getting at you ask? Well I've been reading alot of articles lately about players praising opposing teams. When the NY Giant's lost to the Colts last week, many players came out to say, "Well we did get beat by the greatest player in the game". What? Are you mother#%@#*%# kidding me? I mean that goes without saying but do they need to say it? How much fire do you have left in your belly if your quotes are laced in pleasantries?

Acceptable in soccer

In an article on nj.com, Linval Joseph had nothing but nice things to say about former team mate Chris Johnson. Joseph says, "He's the fastest guy I ever seen...a hard worker...There were two things: he was either going to burn me or make me miss...Man I remember trying to stop this, he's doing the same things now". Is this a precursor to a loss? All flattery and no fire. Great! So the Giant's highly praised draft pick has already committed himself to defeat. Basically he saying that Johnson is unstoppable so excuse me if I don't make a play on him. Bull#$@%. I want to hear, "He's good but if he crosses our line, we'll bloody his face." If you didn't know better, you'd think Linval wanted to kiss Johnson's johnson. I don't know but you might be playing the "wrong" football Linval.


Alright fellas, let's play some ball. More fire less fright. Kill or be killed. Friendship and fair play is for wussies and football isn't for the faint of heart. So remember, before you pat the opposition on the ass; clench your hand into a fist and club him on the head. Football is for warriors so let's leave the kissing to the ladies.

Awww. So nice.

Ghost of Lombardi's "Bet The House"

It's Friday and time for the newest and most favorite feature on this site, Ghost of Lombardi's "Bet The House". This is where I will give you predictions and insight only attainable by great NFL minds like myself. Picks so good that you'll be forced to grab those pesky home ownership papers and bet the house.

Disclaimer: Ghost of Lombardi is not responsible for any and all loss of possession and/or homelessness as these picks were made after Friday's second most favorite feature, whiskey breakfast.

The Titans come to town to face the questionable NY Giants. Can they stop the pass? Will the run defense hold up? My feeling is yes. The Giants will redeem themselves this week but don't go chanting "Super Bowl! Super Bowl!" Giants over the Titans, 30-17. Look for Kansas City to start 3-0 for the first time since 2003. San Francisco is desperate but will fall short to the Chiefs by at least 10. Dallas vs. Houston. The Cowboys have not started 0-3 since 2001 and haven't been able to find their identity this year so far. If Dallas doesn't re-establish themselves as a run first offense then this one is lost. Houston's offense has been putting up huge numbers and that's why they'll win, but it'll be close. Houston by 3.

After a smattering by the Jets, New England is out for blood. Look for them to topple the Bills in a blowout. Buffalo is going through the old QB swap. Pats by 20. Cleveland at Baltimore. Cleveland is always a mess. It's safe to say,"Never pick orange teams". Questions are arising in Baltimore about QB Joe Flacco's ability to lead. Look for Flacco to come out big and put the critics to rest. Baltimore by 14 in this one. In the Battle for last place in the NFC North, Vikings vs. Lions will put you to sleep. Look for a sloppy ball game with Grandpa Farve tossing many picks. The Lions are on the rise but won't have enough firepower to overcome the greatest story in sports, The Brett Saga. Minnesota is short on receivers but running back Adrian Peterson will take over on the ground. Vikings win in a yawn fest, 24-10.

Atlanta at New Orleans. Saints QB Drew Brees is back in his element, a dome at home. The Falcons were media darlings during the preseason they won't stop the passing attack of Brees & co. Look for Drew to have a huge game in the ballpark of 400 yards passing and 3-4 TDs. Saints over Falcons 35-17. Steelers at Bucs. The Bucs defense has improved and Pittsburgh is short on QBs but somehow the Steelers seem to pull out a win. Can't go against them this week. Steelers over the Bucs, 16-10. The Bengals con T.Ocho visit the Panthers on Sunday in a game that's only watchable if it's the only channel available. I predict 500 yards of offense out of the Bengals in a turnover fest from Carolina. Panthers lose 35-3. Redskins vs. Rams. Washington is much better this year with the addition of former rival QB Donovan McNabb. But I think this is the week where McNabb will show his greatest imperfections. The pass happy Rams will take this one by 6. Philly at Jacksonville. Jacksonville stinks and Eagles QB Michael Vick is running and passing well. There's new life on this team. Philly by 14.

Indy at Denver. Indy has Peyton Manning, enough said. Indy by 21. Oakland at Arizona. Oakland has finally come out of it's acid trip. They'll sit the ineffective wide-eyed Jason Campbell in favor of, in my opinion, a QB on the rise...Gradkowski. He's tough and he can play. Look for him to show the Raiders why he'll be their number one for a while. Arizona is still going through Kurt Warner hangover. Raiders over Cardinals 17-10. San Diego at Seattle. This one is tough to pick. Seattle is either really good or really bad and the Chargers won't be able to rely on a two tight end passing game for long. I'm taking Seattle in this one by 10.

In a Sunday night match up, the Jets go to Miami to face the much improved Dolphins. NY will be without Revis island and I'm not sure what to make of the new "drink and drive" offense. I predict a Jet loss, Miami 24 NY 10.

Monday night will feature the Packers at the Bears. Green Bay has lost their starting running back for the year and question amount about their ground game. QB Rodgers will be forced into throwing frequently. This one could go into overtime. Packers over the Bears in a close one, 27-24.