Ghost of Lombardi's "Bet The House" I'm Back Baby!

Hello again ambulance chasers, grave robbers and your own mother salesmen. You must have been wondering, "Where is Lombardi? I can't make my picks without him because I'm a big sissy boy and can't think for myself". Well I'm back and better then ever. No I wasn't dead again. The most popular ghost in Limbo is here and is going to get you your fortunes back. So without further adieu here's Ghost of Lombardi's Bet! The! House!

Disclaimer: Ghost of Lombardi is not responsible for any and or all loss of possessions. Yes I know that this segment is called, "Bet The House" but maybe you shouldn't take it so literally. I mean, you don't come to a stop sign and just stay there forever do you? Oh my God you do! What an idiot. Ok I forgot that I was dealing with man children. Listen, I'll admit that my picks are gold but betting your dwelling on a sporting event is plain crazy. Maybe you should consider other activities in life. How about a nice walk in the park with your dog? No? What about a game of cards with some of your best pals? No. Oh right I forgot that you degenerates would bet on that too. Is nothing sacred? Do you have to run through your day betting on everything? Hey there's an old lady crossing the street! Let's bet on whether or not she gets hit by a car! You're all just sick. Well you are what you are I guess. Obamas going to India, you guys hear about that? 200 million a day for security? Wow! I'm giving 2-1 odds on whether he gets hit in the head by falling coconuts or attacked by vicious sharped clawed pack monkeys. Not my idea of a vacation but anything is better then sticking around the ole' USA after your party just took a shellacking in the elections. Great! Now the republicants have power again. Back to the times of the rich getting richer! But that's what America is all about right? Our economy is only healthy if country club memberships are up and newborn babies are in the streets mouth fighting with pack wolves for the last lickins' on a half eatin' can o' beans.  Can o' beans? Do people even eat that anymore? I mean I see it on the shelves in the supermarket but are people eating it anymore? They must be or why would they make it anymore? The same goes for spam; the canned ham or whatever it is. I don't think I know anyone who eats any of that shit. I'd like to meet these people who are eating can o' beans and spam. It makes me wonder though. Have I ever turned down a dinner engagement where the menu was can o' beans and spam and I didn't know? Thank god. Couldn't image myself trying to make polite conversation while eating that stuff. Have you ever done that? You get invited to someones house for dinner and the food is awful and you just sit there crying inside while eating something that you have no idea what it could be? How embarrassing. I'm like, "Umm this is good, I can't wait until I shit glass shards and bloody diarrhea". Now that's good eats. Holy shit, I was just thinking about something that happened to me. True story. I'm a little kid right. And I'm playing basketball in my friend's yard and his very very old grandma opens the screen door and asks me if I would like to join them for dinner. I'm like OK, I mean my mom probably didn't make anything anyway. Why throw a meatloaf in the oven for your kids when you can sit there and polish off a bottle of vodka right? Anyway. So me and my friend go in his house and sit down. Now at this point his grandma finished eating and started to serve us food. My pal starts eating and I look down and notice that I don't have the proper utensils. So I'm like, "Can I have a fork and knife please?" By the way, I still have no idea what this plate of mush was but I knew if I passed this meal up, I might not eat again until school starts and it's July. So anyway, grandma is like, "Oh dear let me get you a fork". She slowly walks over to her half eatin plate of food, picks up her fork, licks it clean with her 100 year old saucy phlegm mouth and hands it to me. I swear to God this happened. Also, I used her fork. Till this day I throw up in my mouth when I think of the story. On to football.

Tampa Bay at Atlanta. This is a difficult game. First place in the NFC North is on the line and both of these teams can go either way. The Bucs are the surprise team of the year. I think they're 5-2 or something like that. I'm not sure if they are as good as their record. Guess we'll have to see as the season goes on. Stat wise, Atlanta is more productive and if you compare the two on paper, Atlanta wins. Plus Atlanta is at home, whatever that means. I'm taking the Falcs. Nobody calls them the Falcs but remember you heard it here first. Atlanta 24 Bucs 21

Miami in Baltimore. Believe it or not, these teams match up well. On paper they are almost identical other than records. Miami is 4-3 and Baltimore is 5-2. However I'm not sold on Miami, I think they're too gimmicky. Take the Ravens. Baltimore 38 Miami 20

Chicago at Buffalo. The Bills have made an improvement this week, which says allot about Buffalo. "Small victories". They have acquired former Chargers linebacker Shawn Merriman off waivers. He's a good addition but his production has nosedived in the last 3 years. Chicago is still hot and cold but they should have more then enough for the Bills. Chicago 17 Bills 10

Saints at Panthers. Hahaha. That says it all. The Saints aren't last years powerhouse that puts up 45 a game but this week will be a throwback to last year. Who dat' gon beat dem Saints? I hate hate hate that expression. Sooooo F'in stupid. How can one glorify such poor English? Awful. Take the Saints and their third grade level English in this one. N.O. 35 Carolina 14

New England in Cleveland. Hahaha Part duix. New England hasn't missed a beat without Randy Moss. Bill Belichick can turn a garbage can filled with Cleveland jerseys into a football player. And Cleveland; Are they even trying to be a football team anymore? No matter who is running that front office, it's the same every year. Do you think they're sitting there in July and are like, "What can we do this year to suck badly?" But that city loves them anyway. Remember when the Browns left and the city sued to keep the name? Who fights to keep a losing tradition? The judge must of been like, "Are you sure you want to keep this team." That's like someone dubbing you an asshole and then you take them to court to make sure the world keeps calling you asshole. Patriots 31 Cleveland 3

Jets v Lions. Detroit isn't the league's punchline anymore. In a truly weird season, the Lions have emerged as a formidable opponent and the Jets offensive struggles are becoming laughable. Even when the Sanchise plays well, WR's are dropping balls. And Rex Ryan is so desperate that he's trying to make the punter run for 70 yards a game. I don't know about this game, it could really go either way. I think I'm going to regret it but... Jets 14 Lions 10

San Diego at Houston. San Diego is leading the league in total offense and defense. They are also leading the league in passing and defense against the pass. So why the losing record? Well I'll tell you, they just can't finish. Credit to Rivers, he's going to be something special when they get the players he needs. Rivers has been running a passing attack with two tight end sets and an up and down running game. Fact of the matter is, Houston is on the rise and San Diego is magically un-delicious. Texans 28 Chargers 17

Arizona at Minnesota. The yuk game. Let me reiterate, "Brad Childress is a complete retard". It's like Sloth from the Goonies finally broke out of his chains and they made him head coach of the Vikings. Why would you trade for Moss and then dump him after three weeks just to lose a third rounder? He should've kept Moss and blamed the whole thing on him at the end of the year. Instead, he'll surely be fired for this one. Secondly, It's a miracle that Brett Farve is even alive at this point. He broke bones in his foot two weeks ago, then he took a vicious hit to the chin last week, media scandals, the loss of three week Moss. What a mess. He's got to be saying, "Why oh why did I come back for this when I could be in Missouri, driving my four wheelers and eating squirrel." Poor Brett. Lucky for him that Arizona is a wreck. The Cardinals management has really ruined this team and must have Larry Fitzgerald begging to be traded. Derek Anderson at QB? Really? What idiot seen Anderson in Cleveland and said, "You know this guy would be great if he wasn't a Brown". I can't believe some of these decision makers have jobs. Minnesota 26 Arizona 12

NYG at Seattle. "Whaaa whaaa its loud in Seattle" is what I've been hearing all week. Just shut up already. If the Giants lose because of that shitty crowd then they don't belong in a Super Bowl run. I agree that the noise presents a problem but good teams have to get past that. Seattle will start a guy who has never completed an NFL pass. Before that, Hasslebeck was sacked 13 times in the last two games. This new kid, is dead. I predict 10 sacks for the Giants in a blowout. NY 41 Seattle 10

Kansas City at Oakland. The Chiefs are one of my favorites this year. I've been picking KC all year and I'm not going to stop now. Credit to Oakland for being tough this year though. And that running back they got is putting up some impressive numbers. Anyway, Chiefs 24 Oakland 21

Indy at Philly. I'm not betting against the Colts for the rest of the year. I had Houston beating them last week and got killed. If you read the injury report before the game you would have seen that everyone on the colts that mattered was injured with the exception of the great Peyton Manning. Eagles WR DeSean Jackson is back this week but I think he still has moths flying around in his head after that hit he took last month. Colts 28 Eagles 20

Sunday Night: Dallas at Green Bay. Can you believe the state of affairs in Dallas? Me neither. They are truly in a cliff dive. They weren't good with Tony Romo and they ain't getting any better with John Kitna. Is it John or Jon Kitna. I'm not sure but I hate when people spell it Jon. Stupid, why do people do that? To feel special? What about Thom instead of Tom, F'i annoying. The letter "H" has been disrespected for too long. If "H" isn't important then let's just get rid of it. Now that we're talking about it, I vote to drop the letter "X" completely and merge the letters "y" and "i" into one super letter that makes a sound that can only be heard by kittens. And the sound can only be made by split tongued humans. Then we'll all have to go to the hospital for special surgery to get split tongues to accommodate this new super letter. Awesome. Let's really take evolution into our own hands and laugh in the face of God. Just kidding God, you know I love you dude, high five! Green Bay 27 Dallas 13

Monday Night: Pittsburghhhh at Cincinatti. The Steelers, come on man. I hate the Bengals and my mantra, "Never pick orange teams" is becoming law instead of gamble. F the Bengals where they breathe. I'm so tired of turning on the TV only to hear that they haven't been disbanded. I'm for completely getting rid of all the letters that make up "bengals" just so we don't have to speak their name ever again. Steelers 19 Bengals 6

That's all for now bitches! Good night and good luck.