Happy Thanksgiving

Happy Thanksgiving ya bums. Let's get this outta the way. I got the Patriots over the Lions 34- 14. For the second game, I'm taking Saints over Cowgirls, 28-20. Lastly, Jets over the Bengals, 21-17.

On this Thanksgiving, remember...No coupling has ever gone together better than football and turkey. Just make sure the family shuts the F--- up while the games are on. Put Grandma in the basement and let her mumble to herself or have in depth conversations about life with her ghost cat named Marvin. Make the kids do laps in the yard to tire them out so they won't ask questions like, "What do clouds eat?" If they refuse to do laps in the yard, tell them that Santa will die if they don't. Remind Grandpa that he isn't a pilgrim and he didn't fight in a war called the Pilgrim-Indian battle royale. Above all eat till you s--- blood and have a Happy Thanksgiving.

Dedicated to John Madden; founder of the 8 legged turkey.

Ghost of Lombardi's "Bet The House"

Hello football junkies and bettors anonymous 12 steppers. Welcome once again to Ghost of Lombardi's "Bet The House". Hope you made a fortune off last weeks picks, I know I did. We're in that weird part of the season where making picks is most difficult. Nobody has emerged as a clear favorite and teams that are not getting much attention from the media, will likely be playoff surprises. So be cautious and remember Al Pacino this week..."On Any Given Sunday...". Ok let's get started.

Disclaimer: Ghost of Lombardi is not responsible for any or all loss of possessions. Remember, bet wisely and friends never let friends bet drunk. A bird in the hand is worth two in the prostitute. A penny saved is just a f'in penny, so throw it in the garbage because they are worthless. Never look a gift horse in the mouth, he probably has AIDS. He who has the gold makes the rules, so find that greedy little bastard and tear his face off with a well built metal glove. It is better to have loved before and lost then to never have loved at all, bullshit. Every cloud has a silver lining; but only if you have diabetes and blurry vision. There's a pot of gold at the end of every rainbow and a gay leprechaun ready to blow you. Revenge is a dish best served cold, unless of course you serve revenge with a nice warm pecan gravy. Every time a bell rings, an angel gets molested. Idle hands are the devil's prayer book. In all my days, I've never seen a book made of hands. He who laughs last, didn't get the joke and is just laughing so everybody doesn't call him stupid again. Knowledge is power, power corrupts, corruption is clarity and clarity ultimately leads to more confusion, so stay stupid and happy. And if you want to be happy for the rest of your life, never make a pretty woman your wife, pay her and be on your merry way. Sew before you rape. Always be a good listener, unless you're at a national socialist rally. Never dance with the devil unless you are a contestant on Dancing with the stars. Honesty is the worst policy. Never put off till tomorrow what you can steal today. And lastly, speak softly and always put your dick away. 

Detroit v. Buffalo: The Bills are, by record, the worst team in the league which makes them the most dangerous. We won't see Detroit in the playoffs this year but the Bills have nothing to lose. I'm itching to pick the Bills because they're due, but I won't. This game could turn out to be ironic. The Lions are the only team ever to go 0-16 and the same thing could happen to Buffalo. If I were Detroit, I'd be looking to make sure the Bills lose. I believe this game means more to Detroit then you think. Don't forget, allot of the guys from that 0-16 squad are still there. Detroit 21 Buffalo 16

Minnesota at Chicago: Anybody see the Farve interview where he says that he is not coming back next year? I believe him this time. Hey Brett nobody would fault you if you just laid down man. But he won't. I want to take the Vikings this week but I think the Farve magic is becoming more and more inconsistent. I'm taking Da Bears. Chitown 27 Vikings 24

Jets v. Browns: Here's another weird game. Browns QB Colt McCoy has been a breath of fresh air for Cleveland fans and has strung together two wins against the Saints and Patriots. Browns head coach Eric Mangini has to be looking to take down his former team and his defensive coordinator is Rex Ryan's twin brother. Crazy stuff. This game sounds like something out of a bad sports movie. I'm not sure about that Jet offense. They barely get on the board now and if there's a hint of cold or a raindrop, quarterback Sanchez will fold like a house of cards. But here's the difference maker in this game. That Jet defense will haunt Colt McCoy all day. This is the first time he'll see such explosive speed and shutdown coverage. Gotta take the Jets. Jets 31 Browns 21

Bengals at Colts: Bye bye Bengals. Colts 35 Bengals 17

Houston V. Jacksonville: I just don't like the Jags. They are everything I hate about football. Piss warm weather, no talent, ugly uniforms, a suck coach, running qbs, total ick. Houston 28 Jags 9

Titans at Miami: The Titans will debut league hot potato Randy Moss. Miami is the little train that sucks. I never know where I stand when I pick a game that the Dolphins are a part of. They're just too gimmicky still. I hate that wild cat shit they do and all that other stuff that screams,"We don't know how to win straight up so we'll turn the game into 3-card Monte". F U Dolphins. F U Tony Sparano. Oh yeah I forgot, everyones favorite whipping boy is back, yep you guessed it, Chad Pennington. This should be good. I remember when Pennington first came into the league. Everyone was like, "This guy is so smart and he's a finesse passer". What's a smart football player? One who doesn't close his dick in his zipper. Oh and Finesse is just code for...weak arm. Titans 23 Dolphins 21

Carolina at Tampa: Oh jeez this one baaa-lows! Tampa 17 Panthers 6

KC at Denver: I'm still a big believer when it comes to Kansas City. I like these players. They have heart and are doing allot with a little. As far as Denver goes, I can't stand Orton. I hate his stupid baby head squished into a helmet. Even his name is stupid. WTF is an Orton? It sounds like an old pickle or that mucus that builds up in the back of your throat when you have the flu. He's one of those guys that looks like his name too. "Hey look at that guy with the plaid pants playing checkers! What an Orton!". KC 30 Denver 22

Seattle at Arizona: Seattle is terrible. Arizona isn't much better but I'm taking them because they are at home. Arizona 24 Seattle7

Cowgirls at The New York Football Giants: Scary game. NY is banged up on the O-line. Steve Smith is out with a pulled tit muscle. The Cowboys will look to pummel Manning and ruin the Giants season like NY did to Romo and the Boys'. Former head idiot Wade Phillips is finally gone like he should be and Jason Garrett takes over for at least the rest of the year. Dangerous game here fellas. If the Giants lose this one, the result could be: Dallas gets new life and makes a run at the playoffs. I hope not. I'm still taking the Gmen though. NYG 34 Cowboys 27

Rams at 49ers: Rams 21 49ers 10

Sunday Night, New England at Pittsburgh: Nice game. Really tough to pick too. I don't know, your guess is as good as mine. But I do like Pittsburgh at home, in the prime time. I'll take the Steelers 38 Patriots 31

Monday Night, Philly at Washington: An NFC East war. This is always a good game especially since McRibb is now a Redskin. I have to pick the Eagles but I hope they lose. Eagles 24 Redskins 14

That's all chumps. Please tell your friends about me.

 

Ghost of Lombardi's "Bet The House" I'm Back Baby!

Hello again ambulance chasers, grave robbers and your own mother salesmen. You must have been wondering, "Where is Lombardi? I can't make my picks without him because I'm a big sissy boy and can't think for myself". Well I'm back and better then ever. No I wasn't dead again. The most popular ghost in Limbo is here and is going to get you your fortunes back. So without further adieu here's Ghost of Lombardi's Bet! The! House!

Disclaimer: Ghost of Lombardi is not responsible for any and or all loss of possessions. Yes I know that this segment is called, "Bet The House" but maybe you shouldn't take it so literally. I mean, you don't come to a stop sign and just stay there forever do you? Oh my God you do! What an idiot. Ok I forgot that I was dealing with man children. Listen, I'll admit that my picks are gold but betting your dwelling on a sporting event is plain crazy. Maybe you should consider other activities in life. How about a nice walk in the park with your dog? No? What about a game of cards with some of your best pals? No. Oh right I forgot that you degenerates would bet on that too. Is nothing sacred? Do you have to run through your day betting on everything? Hey there's an old lady crossing the street! Let's bet on whether or not she gets hit by a car! You're all just sick. Well you are what you are I guess. Obamas going to India, you guys hear about that? 200 million a day for security? Wow! I'm giving 2-1 odds on whether he gets hit in the head by falling coconuts or attacked by vicious sharped clawed pack monkeys. Not my idea of a vacation but anything is better then sticking around the ole' USA after your party just took a shellacking in the elections. Great! Now the republicants have power again. Back to the times of the rich getting richer! But that's what America is all about right? Our economy is only healthy if country club memberships are up and newborn babies are in the streets mouth fighting with pack wolves for the last lickins' on a half eatin' can o' beans.  Can o' beans? Do people even eat that anymore? I mean I see it on the shelves in the supermarket but are people eating it anymore? They must be or why would they make it anymore? The same goes for spam; the canned ham or whatever it is. I don't think I know anyone who eats any of that shit. I'd like to meet these people who are eating can o' beans and spam. It makes me wonder though. Have I ever turned down a dinner engagement where the menu was can o' beans and spam and I didn't know? Thank god. Couldn't image myself trying to make polite conversation while eating that stuff. Have you ever done that? You get invited to someones house for dinner and the food is awful and you just sit there crying inside while eating something that you have no idea what it could be? How embarrassing. I'm like, "Umm this is good, I can't wait until I shit glass shards and bloody diarrhea". Now that's good eats. Holy shit, I was just thinking about something that happened to me. True story. I'm a little kid right. And I'm playing basketball in my friend's yard and his very very old grandma opens the screen door and asks me if I would like to join them for dinner. I'm like OK, I mean my mom probably didn't make anything anyway. Why throw a meatloaf in the oven for your kids when you can sit there and polish off a bottle of vodka right? Anyway. So me and my friend go in his house and sit down. Now at this point his grandma finished eating and started to serve us food. My pal starts eating and I look down and notice that I don't have the proper utensils. So I'm like, "Can I have a fork and knife please?" By the way, I still have no idea what this plate of mush was but I knew if I passed this meal up, I might not eat again until school starts and it's July. So anyway, grandma is like, "Oh dear let me get you a fork". She slowly walks over to her half eatin plate of food, picks up her fork, licks it clean with her 100 year old saucy phlegm mouth and hands it to me. I swear to God this happened. Also, I used her fork. Till this day I throw up in my mouth when I think of the story. On to football.

Tampa Bay at Atlanta. This is a difficult game. First place in the NFC North is on the line and both of these teams can go either way. The Bucs are the surprise team of the year. I think they're 5-2 or something like that. I'm not sure if they are as good as their record. Guess we'll have to see as the season goes on. Stat wise, Atlanta is more productive and if you compare the two on paper, Atlanta wins. Plus Atlanta is at home, whatever that means. I'm taking the Falcs. Nobody calls them the Falcs but remember you heard it here first. Atlanta 24 Bucs 21

Miami in Baltimore. Believe it or not, these teams match up well. On paper they are almost identical other than records. Miami is 4-3 and Baltimore is 5-2. However I'm not sold on Miami, I think they're too gimmicky. Take the Ravens. Baltimore 38 Miami 20

Chicago at Buffalo. The Bills have made an improvement this week, which says allot about Buffalo. "Small victories". They have acquired former Chargers linebacker Shawn Merriman off waivers. He's a good addition but his production has nosedived in the last 3 years. Chicago is still hot and cold but they should have more then enough for the Bills. Chicago 17 Bills 10

Saints at Panthers. Hahaha. That says it all. The Saints aren't last years powerhouse that puts up 45 a game but this week will be a throwback to last year. Who dat' gon beat dem Saints? I hate hate hate that expression. Sooooo F'in stupid. How can one glorify such poor English? Awful. Take the Saints and their third grade level English in this one. N.O. 35 Carolina 14

New England in Cleveland. Hahaha Part duix. New England hasn't missed a beat without Randy Moss. Bill Belichick can turn a garbage can filled with Cleveland jerseys into a football player. And Cleveland; Are they even trying to be a football team anymore? No matter who is running that front office, it's the same every year. Do you think they're sitting there in July and are like, "What can we do this year to suck badly?" But that city loves them anyway. Remember when the Browns left and the city sued to keep the name? Who fights to keep a losing tradition? The judge must of been like, "Are you sure you want to keep this team." That's like someone dubbing you an asshole and then you take them to court to make sure the world keeps calling you asshole. Patriots 31 Cleveland 3

Jets v Lions. Detroit isn't the league's punchline anymore. In a truly weird season, the Lions have emerged as a formidable opponent and the Jets offensive struggles are becoming laughable. Even when the Sanchise plays well, WR's are dropping balls. And Rex Ryan is so desperate that he's trying to make the punter run for 70 yards a game. I don't know about this game, it could really go either way. I think I'm going to regret it but... Jets 14 Lions 10

San Diego at Houston. San Diego is leading the league in total offense and defense. They are also leading the league in passing and defense against the pass. So why the losing record? Well I'll tell you, they just can't finish. Credit to Rivers, he's going to be something special when they get the players he needs. Rivers has been running a passing attack with two tight end sets and an up and down running game. Fact of the matter is, Houston is on the rise and San Diego is magically un-delicious. Texans 28 Chargers 17

Arizona at Minnesota. The yuk game. Let me reiterate, "Brad Childress is a complete retard". It's like Sloth from the Goonies finally broke out of his chains and they made him head coach of the Vikings. Why would you trade for Moss and then dump him after three weeks just to lose a third rounder? He should've kept Moss and blamed the whole thing on him at the end of the year. Instead, he'll surely be fired for this one. Secondly, It's a miracle that Brett Farve is even alive at this point. He broke bones in his foot two weeks ago, then he took a vicious hit to the chin last week, media scandals, the loss of three week Moss. What a mess. He's got to be saying, "Why oh why did I come back for this when I could be in Missouri, driving my four wheelers and eating squirrel." Poor Brett. Lucky for him that Arizona is a wreck. The Cardinals management has really ruined this team and must have Larry Fitzgerald begging to be traded. Derek Anderson at QB? Really? What idiot seen Anderson in Cleveland and said, "You know this guy would be great if he wasn't a Brown". I can't believe some of these decision makers have jobs. Minnesota 26 Arizona 12

NYG at Seattle. "Whaaa whaaa its loud in Seattle" is what I've been hearing all week. Just shut up already. If the Giants lose because of that shitty crowd then they don't belong in a Super Bowl run. I agree that the noise presents a problem but good teams have to get past that. Seattle will start a guy who has never completed an NFL pass. Before that, Hasslebeck was sacked 13 times in the last two games. This new kid, is dead. I predict 10 sacks for the Giants in a blowout. NY 41 Seattle 10

Kansas City at Oakland. The Chiefs are one of my favorites this year. I've been picking KC all year and I'm not going to stop now. Credit to Oakland for being tough this year though. And that running back they got is putting up some impressive numbers. Anyway, Chiefs 24 Oakland 21

Indy at Philly. I'm not betting against the Colts for the rest of the year. I had Houston beating them last week and got killed. If you read the injury report before the game you would have seen that everyone on the colts that mattered was injured with the exception of the great Peyton Manning. Eagles WR DeSean Jackson is back this week but I think he still has moths flying around in his head after that hit he took last month. Colts 28 Eagles 20

Sunday Night: Dallas at Green Bay. Can you believe the state of affairs in Dallas? Me neither. They are truly in a cliff dive. They weren't good with Tony Romo and they ain't getting any better with John Kitna. Is it John or Jon Kitna. I'm not sure but I hate when people spell it Jon. Stupid, why do people do that? To feel special? What about Thom instead of Tom, F'i annoying. The letter "H" has been disrespected for too long. If "H" isn't important then let's just get rid of it. Now that we're talking about it, I vote to drop the letter "X" completely and merge the letters "y" and "i" into one super letter that makes a sound that can only be heard by kittens. And the sound can only be made by split tongued humans. Then we'll all have to go to the hospital for special surgery to get split tongues to accommodate this new super letter. Awesome. Let's really take evolution into our own hands and laugh in the face of God. Just kidding God, you know I love you dude, high five! Green Bay 27 Dallas 13

Monday Night: Pittsburghhhh at Cincinatti. The Steelers, come on man. I hate the Bengals and my mantra, "Never pick orange teams" is becoming law instead of gamble. F the Bengals where they breathe. I'm so tired of turning on the TV only to hear that they haven't been disbanded. I'm for completely getting rid of all the letters that make up "bengals" just so we don't have to speak their name ever again. Steelers 19 Bengals 6

That's all for now bitches! Good night and good luck.