Ghost of Lombardi's "Bet The House"

It's time for the third installment of Ghost of Lombardi's "Bet The House". It's easy and fun for children and geriatrics of all ages. Here's how it works. You read this, then take the dead lock picks I give you and like a drone call your bookie and BET! THE! HOUSE!

Disclaimer: Ghost of Lombardi is not responsible for all and any loss of property or possessions. Seek counseling if you or a loved one have a gambling problem. The National Council on Problem Gambling is standing by 24 hours a day to help you with your addiction, call 1-800-522-4700. Remember it's not your fault, you're just a pussy.

It's week five and the season is flying faster than Deanna Farve to a divorce lawyer. Yuk yuk yuk. Here we go. The Jaguars or how they say in that car commercial, "Jaggie-wars", visit Buffalo this week in a pure stinker. You couldn't give away tickets to this one. I'd rather see a Pittsburgh Pirates v. Washington Nationals game. Seriously, I'd rather watch a goldfish jerk off. Anyway, both teams are a wreck and it's gonna come down to who's house is "less on fire". I'm taking Jacksonville. Jaggie-wars 21 Bills 17. 

The NY Football Giants are facing a red hot Houston team in Reliant Stadium. I'm not sure which version of NY football that we'll see. Will it be the defense from last week or Tom Coughlin's "Stroke face" that headlines the day? Houston's Andre Johnson is still battling an ankle injury but all else fails, they'll go to the ground with power house running back Arian Foster. I'm taking he Giants this week but if they screw this up, I'm betting against them for the rest of the year. Giants 38 Texans 14. 

Kansas City at Indianapolis. The Chiefs are the only undefeated team left but the record might reflect a mistake in the cosmic balance. I think they're starting to come together but aren't as good as they sound. Peyton Manning will surely blow a gasket or a turtle if this team unravels. I've taken the Colts all year and I'm betting on the numbers in this one, you can't keep Peyton down for long. Colts 31 Chiefs 20. 

Here we go, another shitty one. Tampa Bay visiting Cincinnati. Ick. I'd rather see a Pirates v. Nationals double header then watch this one. I'd rather watch a goldfish perform auto-erotic asphyxiation and hang himself in a closet like David Carridine. The only thing this one has going for it is the wacky debauchery of the T.Ochocinco show, if you're into that kind of horse shit. Bengals 27 Bucs 10.

Finally, a watchable one. Green Bay vs. Washington at FedEx Field. This game will be a barn burner. Think passing fest. Think shootout. I believe this game will come down to, "Who has the ball last". Mcnabb has been quite impressive but I'm going youth on this one. Pack 38 Skins 31.

Rams at Lions. If this was last year and I lived in either one of these cities, I'd cry. But this game is slowly becoming better then it sounds. The Rams pass allot and the Lions, well they do Lion things I guess. Can't give you much insight on this one other then they are both dome teams on the rise. Take the St. Louis though. Rams 17 Lions 10.

Bears v. Panthers aka Roe v. Wade. Think abortion on this one. It doesn't look like Chicago's Jay Cutler will play, so career clipboard holder Todd Collins gets the start. The Panthers are terrible and the Chicago still has Devon Hester. It could come down to special teams winning the game. Bears 21 Panthers 3.

Atlanta comes to Cleveland this week. I'm sticking with my rule, "Never pick orange teams." I know, I know, you're saying, "But Ghost, you picked the Bengals over the Bucs". Relax, the Bucs are far worse then the Bengals but if you like Tampa, go for it you junkie. Back to Cleveland. They are horrible. Why do you think Holmgren took the GM job instead of coach? He knew, there is no possible way of turning this franchise around so take the money and sit in a comfortable chair. Atlanta 28 Browns 10.

Broncos at Ravens. Denver QB Kyle Orton hasn't done a bad job thus far but they're missing key parts mainly being: a whole team. They are clearly in a rebuilding transition and waiting for the day that Tim Tebow grows into his role and becomes the leader. However, the Ravens are my favorite to be in the AFC Championship. Big game for Raven QB Flacco. Ravens 41 Broncos 17.

Arizona host the Saints in the desert. New Orleans isn't playing as well as last year but they should take this one. Arizona is complete garbage. Ownership and management wrecked this team. How do you let go of almost all of your all-stars? Karlos Dansby: gone. Antrel Rolle: gone. Anquan Boldin: gone, Kurt Warner: retired. Then the future of the team Matt Leinart, a 2006 first round draft is released. Are you F'in kidding me? You spent 4 years grooming this guy under Warner and then you release him only to bring in Derek Anderson? Whatta joke. Saints 28 Arizona 13.

Tennesseeseeeneessee at Dallas. I hate the name of that state. It's founding fathers must have drunk when they named it. (in a country bumpkin voice)..."Yeah um we gonna name dis state Tennessee" (voice from the crowd) "How do we spell that one Cletus?" (country bumpkin) "Well you git yurself a "T" and then mix up a buncha "e's" "n's" and "s's" until it looks right. "Alright Cletus, sounds gud". Back to the game, it's a good one Cletus. Dallas Cowboys over the Tennennessessesenesee Titans 24-21

San Diego at Oakland. Oakland is on the rise with QB Bruce Gradkoowski but they are the team that finds a way to lose. San Diego takes this in a yawner. S.D. 24 Oakland 17

Sunday Night: Philly in San Fran. Michael Vick is injured so Kevin Kolb will get the start. The Niners desperately need a win to have any chance of staying playoff worthy. This is a tough pick with Kolb playing. He hasn't looked good at all this year. I'm taking the 49ers. S.F. 23 Philly 20

Monday Night: Vikings v. Jets. This one will forever be known as, "The Brett Farve Dick Pic Game". I don't think it's any coincidence that this story was released just days before the game. The Jets and head coach Rex Ryan will do anything to get a win. The Jets would pimp their mothers or eat a baby if it meant a check in the win column. I'm not going to throw numbers or match ups at you. I'm betting with the story on this one. In the past, Brett has performed well under adversity. His brother in law dies four wheeling on his property: win. His wife gets diagnosed with breast cancer: win. His dad dies: win. Bet with Farve and his drama in this one. Plus, Minnesota picked up Randy Moss this week. It should be a good game. Vikings 31 Jets 28.

That's my picks. Thanks for reading and have an auto-erotic day!